I have a Confession

because I try to be, fairly, honest on the old blog there is something i need to confess.  i am 99.9% sure the wee 3 is a he, and if i am being honest it makes me a little sad.  i know that good mothers say they don't care what they have as long as the baby is healthy.  trust me i KNOW this, more than many!  i am beyond thankful that i have 2 healthy, precious boys and i can honestly tell you i had very little hope that we would have a healthy baby boy when we were speeding to the hospital march 24, 2008.  i also work in an NICU two days a week taking care of less than healthy babies.  i have had friends lose babies and give birth to babies that weren't healthy.  so, as much as someone who has healthy kids can, i get that babies aren't always born healthy.  and of course more than ANYTHING i want a healthy baby.  

but, i would really,really love a bow head.  

i am a girly girl.  purple is my favorite color.  i don't like to play outside, unless it is by a pool, ocean or lake.  i think bugs are disgusting and have spider issues that i probably should talk to someone about.  i thought i deserved a medal of honor because i didn't throw hank on the ground last year when a june bug landed on me while i was holding him.  mary poppins is my all time favorite movie.  i think retail therapy is an important part of a woman's mental health.  i think pedicures should be considered health care so you can turn them in for flex spending and not feel guilty getting babysitter so you can get one in peace and quiet. 
 
so, if i am being honest it makes me a little sad not to have a little princess.  i also worry about who will tell me that my hair is out of style or that the outfit i thought was so cute really just isn't?  who will call me with all her questions when she is cooking a new recipe, learning to raise kids, or just bored?  who will take care of us when we are old and our boys are busy creating their own families and working hard to care for them? 

i know you aren't supposed to say these things out loud, but i thought i would because there might some other girl out there feeling the way i feel and i want her to know that i think we are okay.  we still love our boys!  i know i wouldn't trade avery blake for an avery kate and hanky pank would be a terrible henrietta.  i can think of so many things that will be better with a 3rd boy, too.  avery and hank will always have 2 equal play mates to choose from.  we won't have a spoiled baby who is a girl on top of being the spoiled baby.  i can continue to get adorable matching sweater vests and bow ties.  i can watch them play 3 on 3 basketball.  when michael and the boys play golf they will always have a foursome.  when it is time for the men and boys mini trek at church i can do anything i want all weekend long!  and more than anything if (when) we have a boy i will know that God knew i could handle it and has a plan for me that involves 3 precious boys and i can't wait to experience it!